2010 - The Year of Personal Development

As I reminisce 2010, I can't help but smile of all the accomplishments I made and none are too big or small.

I wanted to change things at the beginning of this Year so I set out big goals where my strength and courage would be tested. It was a great idea; however, I knew that I had fears to conquer in order to be successful in the goals I set out to do. Needless to say, I was scared sh*tless and I had to be strong, mentally and physically, because I knew that backing out or letting my fears take over would be the easiest way to go.

Backing out and letting my fears take over - I had to break these patterns.

What were my goals this year? Here they are:

1. Public speaking - I have always had jitters about public speaking. The classic signs of panic before going to speak are heart palpitations, sweating, over thinking, lack of breath and hot and cold flashes. In February, I gave my first speech about me and my business in front of a group of local business women. I also announced my intention to compete in my first fitness competition.

2. Fitness competition - Just like public speaking, stepping on stage is a big deal. The jitters are 100 times heightened. I have always admired fit women. I admire the dedication and we all know that "hard work" is KEY into looking the way they do. Hard work like eating clean, dedicating time each and every day to go to the gym and staying motivated to keep pursuing the desired goals, and not starvation or diets.

I decided that 2010 was my time to shine. I knew what to do and how to do it...its was the FEAR that was holding me back. Fear of what? Fear of the stage, fear of my hard work not being enough or good enough, fear of not doing my best, and my best one yet, fear of failing.

I stepped on stage in June of 2010 with pride and confidence, while I stared at all of those fears in the face. I had a blast and I was proud of myself.

3. Rock climbing - Who knew I had a fear of heights? As I always advice my clients, use variety when engaging in fitness regimen so you are never bored and continue to be active. I wanted to try something different other than what I already know so I decided that rock climbing was something different, and oh boy, it was! When I took my first lesson, I had envisioned that it would be a breeze. I was strong enough to do it. But that was my first mistake. As I climbed my first beginner wall, I froze halfway through as I realized how high I was and that I was away from my comfort zone of solid ground. That's when I knew I had a fear of heights. I wanted to be brought down right away. I sat down and talked with myself. =) I asked myself why I was fearful when I did not even know I had a fear of heights. I ultimately came to the conclusion that it was all in my head...everything! So I went back up =)

Rock climbing is really not a test of strength, you need some mental strength in order to not freak out. Sure, being strong and having a strong core helps but going up a wall that is 45ft high with only a security of a rope and belayer, you better have trust that nothing can and will happen to you.

I still enjoy rock climbing to this day. I still get nervous on some harder routes so I almost always have to reassure myself that everything will be fine and to just enjoy what I'm doing because, as weird as it may sound, I get a pleasure out of climbing a wall. Why? Because when I face all possibilities of fear from falling, and when I get to finish my wall, I get such an exhilaration because I've accomplished another feat where I thought it was impossible to do.

4. Drivers License - Well this was HUGE! I grew up in Toronto, Ontario where owning a car is really not practical and needed. The maintenance of a car, car payments, gas, insurance and parking space are a high cost for me who would only use it on occasion. I used the transit to get around. However, this was not the reason why I did not obtain my license. I tried, on numerous times to get one, but I always suffered terrible panic attacks while driving. I took driving lessons, and while I passed the in-class portion of it, I lacked the confidence of driving behind the wheels so panic attacks would always set in. So I gave up for almost 10 years. And then I moved to Guelph, Ontario. Guelph is a beautiful City but the transit system is slow, unreliable and no subway system.

I took driving lessons again until I became comfortable enough to take my test. I did not think this was possible, EVER. I worked hard, meditated, performed self-talk, hypnosis, and continued on driving until I did it. I passed and received my license on the first try! So so proud of myself.

5. Seminar - I have conducted a few workshops in the past but only to a handful of people. As I was always nervous with big crowds, I avoided giving talks as much as possible. But I wanted to ride my big wave and push myself to another goal. I did my first public speaking - seminar with regards to fitness and exercise - my specialty - to a room full of people. It went very well and I have another speaking engagement booked for January 27, 2011.

As I look back at what I wrote on this blog, I cant help but shed a fear tears and I take that as a sign of pride and happiness. I do not think I would have been able to push myself without support. My loving hubby, Mark, supported me in every step of the way. I almost gave up =( I bitched, complained and wondered why I do these things but I knew why.... He listened without judgment and gave me such tight, reassuring hugs and kisses, and I knew things will be okay.

And they were more than OK.

I have had a lot of -bad- things that happened this year too, but I chose to list the -good- and have them outweigh the bad because, after all, I have a choice.

A choice to make my world a better place.

Happy New Year Everyone!